I have been having super bad insomnia (2 hours of sleep last night) So I surfed wordpress for other blogs dealing with the same issue of obesity.
http://susiegutierrez.wordpress.com/
http://mynojudgementzone.wordpress.com/
http://thelightersideoffat.com/
So far, these are the ones I have been able to pull something from. I noticed that two don’t even attempt to be anonymous. I feel like a coward hiding, Pay no attention to the (wo)man behind the curtain, but I am not ready to show me as I am. Yes, I suffer from all the insecurities that I fat person does. I was with the wrong man because I didn’t think anyone else would have me. I order most my clothes online, or my mother purchases them for me, because I don’t want to try things on. I have a closet full of clothes that I outgrew, or got that are not flattering on a person my size. So, I am playing the GREAT and mighty Oz, who in fact is just scared.
A little more background about me. I have always been “big”. I am 6′ tall. and have a heavy bone structure. My father (I won’t even go into the issues I have with him) used to call me “Short and Round” before my growth spurt. I mentioned that my goal was to try to cut down half my weight, and he laughed. “No way you can ever do that. With your body, that would be impossible.” Yeah, I get a lot of support from that corner…
I also have a twenty something niece who believes that all it takes is exercise and watching what you eat in order to lose weight. She forgets that a 20 year old body will accept change more that a 40 year old one. And 20 lbs and 150 pounds is quite a different amount.
I have a boyfriend that has had the surgery and has begun to gain weight back, and I feel guilty for that, because I don’t help him maintain the willpower to say no. (I love to bake cakes, and cookies and pies, and sadly we both eat too much of it when I make it). He is aware that he is mostly to blame, with his addiction to Pepsi Max, and his general lack of good exercise.
I have a mother who also had the surgery that has gained some of the weight back, but not all. She has severe dumping issues, so she is very careful about the amount of sugar she eats, but like me, can’t stand the texture and taste artificial sweeteners give to foods. She is the one that warned me about the possibilities of not being able to enjoy ice cream ever again after the surgery.
I have a friend that insists that eating the right foods is all it takes to lose weight, because it worked for her.
So as you see, I don’t have the strongest support group. I have to do this with strength of will. Luckily, I a stubborn. This for once might actually be an advantage. I refuse to be less, (or more in this case) than I actually can be.
I read that the size of the average american woman is size 14. My target size is a 12. But, I will be happy with a 14. I can go into normal stores (provided they have a tall section. Nothing I can do to change that aspect.) I might even be able to by bras off the rack, instead of having to buy them through the internet.
But before all this, I have to past the final evaluation. I am terrified that my mental condition might stop me. You have to be both physically and mentally strong to do this right. I am not very strong mentally (barely at all) at this time. I am hoping to hold myself together well enough to make it through this.
Finally (yeah, I know this is a longish post) I found this link about how to help reduce the possibility of hair loss after the surgery. My hair is pretty thin as it is. I started shedding like a cat after the birth of my daughter. It isn’t as bad as it could be, there is no scalp shining through, but it isn’t healthy.
thinnerthoughts 