Like many others, I enjoyed the holidays. I went to the US, and ate almost all of my favorite foods, including the dangerous Mint M&Ms. I can say I still got my workouts from my almost daily shopping trips, but I think that is just a copout. I took those three weeks off. Then I returned home to be drained for a WEEK mostly due to jetlag. And then I was slammed by cold and flu season. I managed to get both! So, I had been off from training for almost 6 weeks.
One of the hardest things I have done was to get started again. My brain told me that I HAD to do so. Bad habits are easy to form. Good habits take a bit more work. So, starting this Monday, I started again. I am not up to my hour again yet, but working on it. Yesterday I did get to 50 minutes. In the evening we took the kids to the pool, and a managed to do two laps before my body told me “Try another one. Let’s see if your butt sinks like lead.” that kind of threat, I just went back to the nice warm kiddie pool.
This morning waking up, my body was still tired from yesterdays workout. I tried to find an excuse to skip. I even googled to see if it was bad to exercise when tired, but Livestrong told me to fuck off and do it. Besides that, I need to go out today, and my newest motivational habit is to put on the training clothes first thing in the morning. Hell if I want to go out in public in a sports bra and compression pants! So, I got on for ONE epidose of the Doctor, and it still kicked my butt. Those endorphins let me down today. But I did it. Phew! I have to do it every day now, until I feel that I don’t need to do it every day. Good habits take work…
As far as my mental issues go. they still go. I was sent back to the psychiatrist whose job is to try to figure out if the medications are what is right for the patient. So, no. I need an emotional stabilizer, code name: Prozac. I am afraid of Prozac. I had been on it before. I didn’t like what it did. It stabilized my emotions alright. I didn’t give a shit all the way around. I am being watched carefully to see if that happens. If it does, they are at a loss as to what to do for me. It hasn’t been the 14 days yet for medicine to really do it’s job, but I haven’t caught myself crying near as much. I haven’t been confronted with anything that was stressful though. I am able to feel happiness still. I am hopeful. It would be nice to be able to work, part-time. I have been written off as capable of full-time. There is just too much stress in that for me. I still have the downswings of the bi-polar cycle, and those scare me, especially with what might happen on the Prozac with them. Time will tell.
So, yeah. I’ve been away for a long time. I came back for the same reason I started this; to have a place to release what I am feeling without bogging my friends down with my issues. It doesn’t seem like anything has changed, but maybe, just maybe it has. And tomorrow, I will get my butt up, put on my training clothes, and do some more Doctor Who:)
thinnerthoughts 